Your wedding is perhaps the happiest day of your life. However, many people naively assume that it is also the start of their happily ever after. In reality though, marriage—though a worthwhile journey—is fraught with challenges. You and your spouse will have many disagreements about finances, how to raise the kids, and even the division of house chores.
Of course, a spat every now and then does not mean a relationship is failing. If your fights are brought about by chronic, destructive behaviors, on the other hand, Splitsville may be your marriage’s next stop. Scott Sweeney, a West Hartford, CT marriage counseling professional, says that excessive jealousy is one such behavior. As this article from Psychology Today illustrates, jealousy can quickly turn the sweetest love sour:
“Elliott had a goofy side that appealed to me, and at first, I thought he was just kind of love-struck. I was charmed and amused,” Amanda recalls. But, she realized gradually, the flowers were a kind of camouflage. “He needed to know where I was every minute, and if he didn’t hear what he liked, his voice would crack with rage. That really creeped me out. I woke up one day and thought: Why does this romance feel like it’s becoming a prison? In that instant, I knew I had to get out.”
What other traits count as destructive? Below are a few:
If a jealous spouse constantly trains a spotlight on you, an indifferent one couldn’t even be bothered to turn the spotlight on. As a result, your physical and emotional needs often go unattended, which creates resentment in the marriage. In the long run, intimacy and respect fall to the wayside.
A passive-aggressive husband or wife wants to express discontent, but uses indirect tactics to show it. Classic passive-aggressive behaviors include procrastination, giving the silent treatment, withdrawal, and pretending not to remember requests.
Each marriage is unique, so different couples exhibit varying destructive behaviors. If you’ve noticed that you and your spouse are always fighting, consider seeing a psychologist in West Hartford, CT who specializes in couple’s counseling. Professional consultations will help you address underlying problems and teach you constructive ways on how to deal with disagreements.
(Source: Jealousy: Love’s Destroyer, Psychology Today, July 01, 2009)